Sticky

Written for East End MOPS.

When I became a parent, I did not realize how messy children are. To be perfectly honest, I did not much imagine parenthood beyond my child’s infancy. I knew that baby messes are generally contained and easily cleaned. Or I thought I knew.

But I am now well aware that each little finger on each little hand has an overwhelming capacity for spreading gooey and often unidentifiable substances over every reachable surface in my home. Once mobile, your toddlers have the ability to transform a house from a smooth, clean surfaced oasis into a gummy, crumby, trash heap.

Can we not all admit that sometimes the crumbs and the stickiness are too much for us to keep up with?

I can.

At this moment, the tabletop and the backs of my dining room chairs are very sticky. Syrup, I suspect.

At this moment, there are tiny fingerprints covering the sidelight window by the front door and lower panes of glass on our back porch French door.

At this moment, there are crumbs under my dining table and my living room rug literally crunches when walked upon. "Ew” is the correct response.

And surely we are all familiar with the “mommy dodge." That quick side step out of your child’s reach in order to avoid the nuzzle of a snotty nose or the tug of a slimy hand on your clean clothes. It usually occurs after taking the rare time to shower, dress, and primp for a special occasion. I used to feel incredibly guilty after performing a mommy dodge. Let me advise you to let go of the guilt. The snotty noses and slimy hands will be there when you return.

I promise.

The trick is to clean their tacky little paws as soon as possible after each meal and each snack, before they leave the table. Every mother knows this. You must also prepare yourself to sweep after every meal and vacuum at the end of each day, as well as completing a thorough washing of your entire house. This will insure a clean, smooth surfaced home.

For a total of fifteen minutes.

I am sure we are all faithful adherents to these practices.

It turns out that the post nasal drip is often too profuse for us to really keep up with, though of course we keep trying. And stickiness seems to mysteriously appear upon our children of its own volition, no matter how vigilant our anti-sticky regime. Do we not ask our children twenty times a day, “what is this goop on your hands and where did it come from?”

More often than not, the question goes unanswered…until we walk into the bathroom and discover the contents of our rather expensive shower gel drizzled all over the floor. Or, we should be so lucky.

Sometimes soap is not what we find.

It is rumored that someday we will not spend 95% of our time cleaning, wiping, or worrying over the messes of our children. I am told that we will even miss the tiny hand prints on our windows and the snotty noses on our clean shirts. And I am just sentimental enough to believe it.

But I do so long for a crunch-less rug.