Mommy's Law

Written for East End MOPS Newsletter.

Becoming a parent has given me a whole new respect for Murphy's Law. Are there other universal "laws" for mothers? Oh yes, I think there are.

If poop can happen, it will. Example: You forget the diaper bag on your next jaunt to the supermarket but you can’t remember the last time baby had a blowout. You mistakenly believe you’ll be fine if you make it a quick trip. Prepare yourself for The Great Kroger Poopsplosion of 2011. Lesson: Never, ever, forget the diaper bag.

All mothers of young children shall be rendered incapable of punctuality. Example: You are late for an appointment and rushing to get yourself and your baby ready to leave. Make no mistake, this is the morning your baby will poop in the bathtub (see above), spit up on your shirt as you are rushing out the door, and decide she needs to eat an hour ahead of schedule. Lesson: You cannot be too prepared and you cannot get up too early in the morning.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite tantrum. Example: Do you really need one? A typical toddler melts down every twenty minutes, on average. Lesson: There is no lesson, there is only survival. Good luck.

When raising toddlers, the only thing constant is change. Example: In spite of your carefully planned, well balanced meals, your two year old has decided to eat nothing but Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Finally, you concede and invest in the Sam’s Club value pack of 20 boxes, after which she will never touch mac and cheese again. Lesson: Toddlers are fickle creatures.

Mothers will be taught humility...many times over. Example: Whatever childhood trait you found most annoying before you became a parent will be the very trait your child will adopt as his own. Can’t tolerate whining? Your kid will be the whiniest. Lesson: Judge not, lest you be judged.

In parenting, there are no absolutes. Example: The baby book says that after crying it out for three nights, your baby will transform into Rip Van Winkle and your current sleep troubles will become a distant memory. Your friends, parents, neighbors, and pediatrician confirm this. In fact, everyone is on board but your baby, who is still unable to put herself to sleep. Lesson: Every child is different, and what works for some won’t work for others. It is up to you to discover your own unique parenting style and methodology.

Just when a mother begins to think that she cannot tolerate another moment with the little monsters that are her offspring, they surprise her. Example: In the course of an eight hour day, your children have poured pancake syrup all over the table, flushed their toothbrushes down the toilet, played in the ashes of your fireplace, and scribbled on the dining room wall. While you are considering checking into the nearest hotel and not returning for a month (maybe two), a small little hand is placed in yours and a small little voice whispers that you are the “goodest mommy ever” and he “loves you so bewee much.” Lesson: Motherhood is extremely difficult, tiresome, and frustrating. It gets hard and then it gets harder. But sprinkled amidst all the tough times, like wild flowers in a field of weeds, are the sweet moments that somehow serve to melt away the bad ones.

Shameless...

Occasionally, while out and about, people will tell me that they read my blog. They always have something nice to say and I am always so flattered. But I always want to ask them why they read it or how they heard about it, especially if they are not related to me or are not parents themselves. I never ask, though.

When I started this blog, I didn't really tell anyone. I just put it up and started commenting on friend's blogs. I sent my mother and aunt an email that it existed, and then I decided that the fewer people that read it, the better. I still sort of hold on to that philosophy, so I do not advertise. If someone stumbles upon it, that's great and I am appreciative, but it is still a little embarrassing to me when I know they have read it.

Unlike most of the blogs I read, I use my blog as a therapist. I did not begin with that intention. I thought I would blog about my girls and post family updates and just chronicle our lives. But my inner neurotic took over (as she so often does) and this blog became one of desperate rants and/or sentimental nonsense about motherhood. Why it should be so therapeutic, I don't know. It requires complete and unwavering honesty for it to work but I do feel better after getting it all out (especially if there are comments). I notice that I have a lot more to post when I am going through a difficult time.

I wish I could just post family pics and updates. That looks like fun.

Anyway, I say all of this just to ask one simple question. A very simple, easy question that will gratify both my curiosity and my vanity. It's quite shameless, really.

If you are reading this, will you "follow" this blog?

There. I asked.

And now I am embarrassed. But I really do want to know who is reading this!

As you can see, I currently have very few followers (one of whom is my mother and she doesn't count). I suspect there are more than that because people tell me they read it so often. I don't really care whether or not I have a high number. I am not competing with anyone.

I just want to know who is out there. Who are you?

If I have no new followers after posting this, my embarrassment will turn to mortification, and I will probably delete this post (if not the entire blog) and become a reclusive hermit.

And only because I love reading comments...

Why do you blog? What is the purpose of your blog?

I look forward to your answers.

Song for a Fifth Child

I came across this poem months ago and saved it...thought I would share.

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.


Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mono Mama

Why am I writing a post about having mono?

I know. This is not a medical blog. I write about baby poop and messy houses and toddler tantrums. But...

I decided that since I use this blog to chronicle the ups and downs of my life as a stay at home mom, I might as well write about this.

Because, my friends, Infectious Mononucleosis meets all the qualifications of a "down."

Plus, I have scoured the internet for information and advice about this illness. When any significant health issue pops up, I tend to research it to death before I feel equipped to deal with it. I read many medical websites and a few chat room threads, but could not find a single personal account of a mom (or even an adult) fighting mono. It is a common illness for teens, not as common for adults, and I want to provide a little support for someone else like me, should they stumble upon this.

So first, a little clarification on the subject of mono, as I understand it. Here is what I have learned.

What is mono?

Mono is a viral infection caused by EBV (Epstein Barre Virus). EBV is transmitted via saliva and is very contagious. About 90-95% of the US population develop immunity to EBV by the time they reach adulthood, but only 10% of the US population contracts mono. Mono is thought to be a severe immunological reaction to EBV, likely caused by an already weakened immune system. So while basically everyone else fights EBV without symptoms, mono sufferers do not.

Mono is most common among teenagers, and like chicken pox, is generally worse in older patients. Mono occurs in two phases, acute and recovery. My doctor told me to expect one week of mono for every year of my life. Yes, you read that correctly. The virus is apparently much shorter for teenagers, averaging about two months.

How does a 28 year old married mother catch mono, aka the kissing disease?

In my mind, my friends and acquaintances ask this question with snarky emphasis on the italicized words. And here is my snarky answer: I know that Greg does not have mono. I know that he has not kissed anyone else and I know that I have not kissed anyone else. But I still don't know where I got this virus. I suspect my kids gave it to me, as young children carry EBV without symptoms and EBV is most often contracted during childhood.

How long are you contagious?

Basically, forever. Mono does not leave the body. The mono cells will reactivate throughout the patient's lifetime and the patient will be contagious each time this occurs, although no symptoms will be present. It is therefore pointless and unnecessary to quarantine a mono patient. Students with mono return to school as soon as they are able, and adults return to work often before they should.

Besides, unless you are running around kissing or spitting at other people...you should be able to keep it relatively contained.

What are the symptoms?

For the record, prior to this year, I was rarely ever sick. My kids and husband seemed to always catch the latest bugs but I usually didn't.

Here is my experience:

I had a rough winter. I started fighting a bad cold in November. By December I had a persistent sinus infection which I was mostly over by Christmas, with the help of antibiotics. In January, I stayed sick. Two to three nights of each week were spent shivering and aching with persistent fever and chills. It almost always happened at night, and was almost always gone by morning. I was fine in between these episodes and carried on with the daily routines. Unless it was unusually severe or prolonged, I didn't even mention it to anyone besides Greg.

But February. February kicked my diaper changing, playdate attending, granny panty wearing behind. I found it increasingly difficult to recover after each little mini flu, which lasted longer and occurred more often. I was always tired. I finally got very, very sick and new symptoms developed. The glands in my neck were swollen and tender. I ached all over and felt painful twinges in my left side, due to a swollen spleen. I was very weak and dizzy, and nearly passed out just walking across the room. For four days, I drank only water or juice and did not eat anything. Finally, I knew that ignoring it was no longer an option. My mom drove me to the doctor, where a blood test confirmed mono.

The next month got better, but only marginally. The fever occurred intermittently. I was still very weak and easily fatigued. My neck became increasingly sore and swollen. I felt like I had a fog over my brain, not unlike the buzz of alcohol or drugs. (Interestingly, I read this same description in other chat rooms.) It felt as though I was recovering from a major surgery and had been under heavy anesthetic.

In March, I decided to go to MOPS, as I had a desperate need to be out of the house. I was slowly gaining strength and energy and felt like I would be okay for a couple of hours, though I knew I would pay for it later. I actually did much better than I expected, though I found myself pretending to be more "well' than I really was. I did not want anyone to worry about catching mono from me, and I felt that I was offending other moms who believed I was a threat to their child's health. Maybe I was paranoid.

As predicted, I became very sick again that night. This time, my lymph nodes were so swollen that my chin and jaw line completely disappeared amidst the swelling. My face and neck were puffy and my throat was nearly swollen shut.

It was misery.

But it only lasted three days. That was exactly one week ago, and I cannot believe how good I feel today. My lymph nodes are still a bit puffy, and my energy is not 100%, but I feel so healthy in comparison that I barely notice the fatigue. I feel stronger. The dizziness and brain fog are finally gone, and my spirits are way up (after having dropped pretty low the last week or so). I think (hope and pray) that last week was the peak of the acute phase and the rest is just regaining energy in the recovery phase.

What is the treatment for mono?

Rest. That is all. It is a virus and has to run it's course. And a long, long course it is. Sleep really is key. It takes so much out of you and you really have to just surrender to it. If possible, stay in bed all day. Seriously. You will relapse if you do too much.

During the last couple of weeks of the acute phase, I began trying some homeopathic treatments which I found very beneficial. Hot tea was the most soothing therapy for my throat and even reduced neck swelling. Any tea works well, but boiling a bay leaf and drinking the tea is highly recommended. I recently began adding a few vitamins and supplements. I take B12, echinacea, melatonin, and a regular multivitamin. I can tell a big difference since I started this regimen, which is specifically recommended for mono patients. Will be adding other herbal supplements next week.

So what did my kids do during all this time?

Thanks to my amazing husband and family, the girls were fine. I think they rather enjoyed it, actually. I was a fixed object in one place all day, available to read stories and watch cartoons when I felt well enough. They were digging it.

I am so blessed to have a great support system. As soon as I got the diagnosis, a plan of action was implemented and a schedule made, for the women in my family assume the caretaker role naturally. My mom, my Nana, and my Aunt Donna took turns staying with us until Greg got home from work. They cleaned my house and fed the girls while I napped and generally laid around. Greg was amazing. His shift started as soon as he got off work but he never complained and he wouldn't let me lift a finger to help. My mother in law took the girls to her house at least once a week, which was so nice, as I could just stay in bed all day and give everyone else a break.

To be clear, I could not accomplish even the lightest housework, not could I pick up Sophie (22 months). Any movement made me dizzy. I was too weak and my spleen too enlarged for any lifting. When I was alone with the girls, I worried that I might pass out and they would be left scared and unsupervised. I do not doubt that I would have ended up hospitalized without my family's help.

Am I skinny yet?

No.

And am I pissed about it?

Yes.

I think I probably lost about 10 lbs in one week, but five of those were quickly gained back the next week. I lost a little more here and there. Other than that, I have gone down one jean size since getting mono. So it isn't the 30 lb weight loss I fervently hoped for, but it also ain't over yet.

How do you cope?

At the risk of sounding way overly dramatic, mono can be quite depressing and demoralizing. In fact, clinical depression is pretty common in mono patients. And I can see why, as I have basically missed three months of normal life. Three months in which I could not take my kids to the park, or cook for my family, or enjoy the warmer weather. I could not do my own grocery shopping or go to church or drive. I actually forgot what it feels like to feel good.

I can now put it all in perspective and see that it can always be so much worse, but a week ago, I could not see that. I was very sad. I still didn't know when I would feel better and I started to think I would never feel better. I now have a whole new appreciation and respect for people who deal with chronic illness or pain.

Am I done talking about mono now?

Yes.

Thus concludes my monologue.

(That was the alternate title of this post. I am so very clever).

If you are reading this because you have mono and want to know what is in store for you, I hope it has helped.

For everyone else, I am impressed that you have read this far and apologize for boring you to tears. Please do not ostracize me for harboring the dreaded mono germ. I will keep my saliva to myself. I promise.

Sticky

Written for East End MOPS.

When I became a parent, I did not realize how messy children are. To be perfectly honest, I did not much imagine parenthood beyond my child’s infancy. I knew that baby messes are generally contained and easily cleaned. Or I thought I knew.

But I am now well aware that each little finger on each little hand has an overwhelming capacity for spreading gooey and often unidentifiable substances over every reachable surface in my home. Once mobile, your toddlers have the ability to transform a house from a smooth, clean surfaced oasis into a gummy, crumby, trash heap.

Can we not all admit that sometimes the crumbs and the stickiness are too much for us to keep up with?

I can.

At this moment, the tabletop and the backs of my dining room chairs are very sticky. Syrup, I suspect.

At this moment, there are tiny fingerprints covering the sidelight window by the front door and lower panes of glass on our back porch French door.

At this moment, there are crumbs under my dining table and my living room rug literally crunches when walked upon. "Ew” is the correct response.

And surely we are all familiar with the “mommy dodge." That quick side step out of your child’s reach in order to avoid the nuzzle of a snotty nose or the tug of a slimy hand on your clean clothes. It usually occurs after taking the rare time to shower, dress, and primp for a special occasion. I used to feel incredibly guilty after performing a mommy dodge. Let me advise you to let go of the guilt. The snotty noses and slimy hands will be there when you return.

I promise.

The trick is to clean their tacky little paws as soon as possible after each meal and each snack, before they leave the table. Every mother knows this. You must also prepare yourself to sweep after every meal and vacuum at the end of each day, as well as completing a thorough washing of your entire house. This will insure a clean, smooth surfaced home.

For a total of fifteen minutes.

I am sure we are all faithful adherents to these practices.

It turns out that the post nasal drip is often too profuse for us to really keep up with, though of course we keep trying. And stickiness seems to mysteriously appear upon our children of its own volition, no matter how vigilant our anti-sticky regime. Do we not ask our children twenty times a day, “what is this goop on your hands and where did it come from?”

More often than not, the question goes unanswered…until we walk into the bathroom and discover the contents of our rather expensive shower gel drizzled all over the floor. Or, we should be so lucky.

Sometimes soap is not what we find.

It is rumored that someday we will not spend 95% of our time cleaning, wiping, or worrying over the messes of our children. I am told that we will even miss the tiny hand prints on our windows and the snotty noses on our clean shirts. And I am just sentimental enough to believe it.

But I do so long for a crunch-less rug.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

We are still in Arkansas, right?

This winter has been quite a shock to those of us not accustomed to seeing snow very often. I'm not sure I have seen this much snow in my entire life.

My conclusions:

It is very lovely.

It is very cold.

And I am ready for it to go.

The January snowfall was much loved and appreciated, in spite of the fact that we were all a little under the weather when it occurred. Though we are all healthy, the snow that fell this week was not welcomed quite as enthusiastically because we are now well acquainted with cabin fever. Three or more days stuck inside with two small children does not a happy mommy make. An ambivalent attitude toward snow is surely an official milestone of adulthood. I have felt very old this week.

But I do still get a little excited about the snow (in spite of myself) and I try to make snow days special for the girls. We bake cookies, cinnamon rolls, and muffins and of course, drink hot cocoa. We discovered snow ice cream last month, and perfected our recipe this week. We watch cartoons and movies with snowy themes, and I like to get fun, crafty indoor activities to keep Rylie busy while Sophie naps. Last month we made little snowmen with marshmallows and this week we made our Valentines. (Look for yours in the mail soon, friends and family!)

This week Greg actually stayed home with us one day (gasp!) instead of driving into work. He did have to take a vacation day to do it, but we feel it was worth it. How often do we get to tromp through the snow with our little girls? We were really happy just to be together to enjoy it. Plus, it is a lot of work bundling and layering those two little people, taking them outside to play, and then bringing them in to shed the layers and warm up the cold wet noses and little red cheeks. I was really glad he was home to help me.

It is supposed to be pretty warm next week. Sophie's birthday is on Easter this year and so I have used this time inside to browse Easter dresses online and plan her 2nd birthday party. We are so ready for Spring!

February Snow Pics

Waiting on Mommy and Daddy to take them outside.

Daddy and his snow bunnies.

The snow came to Rylie's knees.
Not bad for our neck of the woods.

We couldn't find sleds. All of Arkansas sold out, we heard. So we settled for a snowy wagon ride.
This was a workout to pull through the snow, by the way.

Our impromptu snow gear station. We do actually have a mudroom,
but we used the back door for some reason.

January Snow Pics

Sophie stomping around.

She has eaten a lot of snow in the last two months.

It had melted quite a bit in this pic, but watching them trying to walk
through the snow (and fail) has been quite entertaining.

Our house. I love this.

This was the within the first hours of the snowfall. They were thrilled.

When it is time to go inside, she will make a desperate plea to bring her snowball with her.
Every. Single. Time.